Why you are not responsible for the feelings of others

Own feelings.jpeg

One of the greatest sources of pain I see in others, is when they believe that others are responsible for their feelings of pain.

And while I have huge empathy for this belief and for the pain that these people feel, I think as a society, that we all need to take more responsibility for our own actions, and our own feelings. No one else can upset me! What I tell myself about what they have done/said/acted is the thing causing me pain, and I have the power to control and change that, thereby easing said pain.

Once we see this reasoning, it’s hard to unsee it, and with it brings a great freedom and ease - and a certain degree of responsibility! We all must operate according to our own standards and of course in no way should we seek to deliberately upset others. But equally, if someone does inadvertently upset us, we must understand that it is within our power to change that, and to be free.

I often quote my Grandfather who once said “ we wouldn’t worry about what others think of us, if we knew how seldom they did it” !!!!! Most people are going through life worrying about their own patch. Perceived slights and grievances, often bearing the hallmark of unspoken assumptions and mis-interprations can quickly form an in-depth matrix of pain, a self-fulfilling prophecy that mithers those in the centre of it.

So why not make the decision to be free of that? Trust me, it’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative!!!